Brith Milah (The Bris)
It was in the summer of 1983 that I attended my first and only Bris, the Jewish rite of circumcision.
Frank and I had merged our practice with a Jewish CPA and his son, David. Marvin the father, was impressed with the way Frank helped tutor David through five attempts at the CPA exam, which spanned two and a half years. We were both instructors for a nationally syndicated CPA review course but Frank devoted extra time to David, who was really quite a pain in the ass.
David was a mess. At twenty-eight he wore a toupee and contact lenses, which were obviously uncomfortable but a bearable alternative to wearing thick, coke bottle glasses. Marvin had a special bathroom installed in David's office because he also had chronic colitis.
About a year into the merger, David's wife gave birth to a son. They named him Max. Frank was out of town so I went to Max's Bris alone. The ceremony took place at Marvin's beautiful 4500 square foot home.
I might have been the only gentile there. I stood behind a middle aged car dealer and his wife, but I could see the old Rabbi standing at a table covered in white cloth. With each piercing little scream, you could actually see crimson stains and almost feel every male in the room cringing, phantomly grabbing his crotch.
At that moment, the man in front of me whispered to his wife. "That's the same Rabbi I had at mine." The woman looked straight ahead but did not whisper. "YA SHUDDA SUED 'EM."
submitted at 5:09am
22 February 2011