I have five hours from the time I get off work until the time I have to go to bed, just so I can get enough sleep to be able to get up early and get ready for work again. There are nights I lay in bed and hope that my alarm breaks down, or the power goes out, or there's a major pileup on the highway, anything to keep me from making it to work on time. I'd be fired if that happened. I'd lose my ability to pay my rent. I'd lose the thing that makes sure my power stays on and the fridge has something more than mayonaise in it.
What could I possibly gain? A little sleep, which I've learned to live without. A negative bank balance, which I usually have anyway.
I can't give up my job. But some days I dream about what it would be like to throw the alarm out the window, cancel the sitter, and let my son crawl into bed with me. We'd pull the covers over our heads, and I'd get to hear about what he wants to do with his day, instead of missing out on nearly all of it. Maybe I'd get to be in one of his stories. Maybe we could make plans together.
submitted at 3:27am
1 September 2010
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