It just so happens that I am in Mulligan's saloon on Fulton Street drinking with my rotund friend, Stanley ‘Donuts’. In case I have forgotten to mention this before, he is called ‘Donuts’ because it is said that he never met a donut he didn’t like. Well who should walk in but Augie ‘Bunyons.’ Augie is called ‘Bunyons’ because his feet always hurt. You may ask why his feet always hurt and I will indulge you this. It just so happens that Augie wears his brother’s hand-me-downs and his brother has smaller feet. Now I ask him why he does this stupid thing and he takes umbrage at me. However, that is of no consequence.
What is of consequence is that he has Lydia ‘Luscious’ Lagicona from Bensonhurst on his arm. Now this is most unusual because it is ready knowledge that ‘Luscious’ is Jimmy the ‘Shiv’’s main squeeze. What is even more puzzling is that she would throw over the ‘Shiv’ for ‘Bunyons’ who it is readily agreed lacks mental acumen. Soon after there is a disturbance and if my eyes do not deceive me it is Jimmy the ‘Shiv’ making a pin cushion out of Augie ‘Bunyons’. Before anyone can go to Augie’s aid, Jimmy leaves dragging ‘Luscious’ behind him. It is subsequently said that the ‘Shiv’ is in the cooler and ‘Bunyons’ will recover; as for me, I will continue to frequent Mulligan’s to quaff cold brews where most anything can happen and usually does.
submitted at 5:54am
27 July 2010