Lost and Found
The highway that leads to the town of Matrimony is riddled with potholes. Still, giddy couples motor through at breakneck speeds, scarcely aware of the damage they're incurring along the way. Unable to contain their excitement, many stop at the Marrynot Hotel for a quick romp before continuing their journey.
Ethel, a bespectacled woman of a certain age, runs the hotel's Lost and Found. Almost daily, tearful young women present themselves before her. "I've lost my virginity," they whisper.
Ethel offers a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, dear. No virginities turned in today."
Bug-eyed and bedraggled, men also appear at the Lost and Found. "Can't find my sanity," they say.
Ethel searches through various bins. "You sure you came in with it?"
Some shuffle. Others twitch. "I had it when I left the house," they insist.
"Sorry, darlin'. No sanity here. Maybe your intended knows?"
When they come in search of their dignity or respect, Ethel is thrilled. "None here," she says, "but if you can manage to get through the traffic jams and the detours in Matrimony, there's a place on the outskirts of town where you can find ‘em. Tell ‘em Ethel sent you."
submitted at 11:05am
23 October 2009