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A Fowl Plan

Ever since the wife took up yoga, went vegan, and proposed turning their turkey farm into an animal sanctuary, Farmer Tom longed to wring her neck. He suspected Jenny was about to fly the coop with her guru Jake, a bearded, scrawny-necked, strutting ladies' man in spandex. Tom knew it when he found a fat roll of cash--her nest egg obviously--hidden in a drawer under her sports bras. He stuffed the money into his overalls, then put it back. Picturing the guru nibbling Jenny's plump breasts, licking her firm thighs, Tom hatched a murderous plan.

The next day, lying on his belly in the barnyard, concealed by his flock, he pointed his shotgun at the farmhouse's front door and waited for Jenny to leave for yoga class. He'd fire one deadly shot, call the cops, say she'd stepped between him and a fox threatening his birds.

On cue, the door opened and Jenny emerged. Tom jumped up and took aim, startling the turkeys, who gobbled madly. Jenny ran like a scared hen, so the shot only winged her. Tom trotted off but was soon apprehended, squawking that the wife deserved what he'd dished out to her and more.

The media had a field day covering the trial, calling the homicidal attempt "bird-brained" and "half-baked." When Tom was sentenced, a banner headline read: "Turkey farmer sent to pen." Justice was served.

Story by:

Rita A. Popp

18 November 2017