Last year Walmart sold orange monsters for Halloween. They were chubby little things that you had to soak in water first that grew to be about three feet tall with tremendous eyes, sharp angled teeth, and a crown of baby pumpkins growing out of their heads. All of our neighbors bought one for their front porches, in fact, our street had an army of orange monsters. They were really handy too because they kept the kids in line, like when they passed out candy they made sure everyone shouted trick or treat first and even took notes on costumes so that nobody could come back for seconds. It was the most relaxing Halloween we'd ever had.
But there was trouble when the trick or treating ended. The monsters started gathering in the streets and packs of them began egging cars, toilet papering houses, and stuffing leaves into unlocked cars. Some smashed pumpkins into the back alleys and then took to jumping on roofs. The news said that it was because of a contract dispute, but we really don't know why they did it.
Anyway, the fire department came out with these enormous vats of boiling water, and one by one as they caught the monsters they threw them into the fiery liquid where they growled into a frothy spiced pumpkin latte. We drank it later that night as we sat around telling ghost stories and agreed that it was the best we ever had.
27 September 2015