A Terrible Situation

"Back off!" Larry yelled, clutching a package against his chest. "This is a nuclear weapon. One false move, and I’ll vaporize this city."

The sheriff holstered his pistol. "Okay, you win. Whadda ya want?"

"A Big Mac and a helicopter."

"We don’t have a McDonalds. Had to shut it down for not using government approved cooking oils." "Then, I’ll have Wendy’s chili."

"Wendy’s closed last month. Couldn’t afford to install non-gas emitting cooling systems."

"Okay, I’ll take Wal-Mart’s chocolate chip cookies."

"Wal-Mart’s gone. Too many people went there. Their combined body heat accelerated global warming."

Larry went through a list of wants, but every place and brand he mentioned no longer existed. "Good grief! What happened while I was in prison?"

"The world became an environmentally friendly place," said the sheriff.

"What the hell can I get besides the copter?"

"We got lotsa nice soy treats, like pizza, wings, soft drinks. Nothing refreshes like a good soy-Coke.

"Soy tastes rotten," Larry said.

"Not if you pour lotsa soy-honey mustard on it."

"Forget it. Just get me the helicopter and cigarettes."

"They stopped making cigarettes."

"Dammit. Get the helicopter, so I can get outta this insane place.

"That ain’t fair. We ain’t got enough in the city treasury to pay for carbon offsets for a helicopter flight."

"Don’t screw around! I’ll set this thing off."

"Come to think of it," the sheriff said, "I wish you would. "

Story by:

Michael A. Kechula

submitted at 4:06am

23 May 2009

Michael's stories have been published by 108 magazines and 30 anthologies.