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How To Win Friends And Influence Telemarketers

"Hi, I'm calling for the Sacramento Policeman's Association. Would you like to buy -"


"It's hard to part with money, I know, but -"


"I have an installment plan."

"Buddy, I'm so broke I eat my dinner in installment plans. Last night it was gin, butter, and hot sauce."

"That's disgusting."

"Is it? I thought it tasted like buffalo wings. Tonight it's baking soda and cucumbers."

"Excuse me, ma'am, I just called to -"

"I know, I know. But I need a recipe for baking soda and cucumbers."

"Ma'am, if you want, I can take you off our calling list."

"Then who's going to tell me how to braise cucumbers in baking soda?"

"What is it that you want?"

"I want to know if I can use toothpaste as a marinade."

"I don't think I can help you with that, ma'am."

"Then this is going to be a really short conversation, isn't it? Thanks for nothing."

"You're welcome. Have a nice evening, ma'am."

"That's all you had to say. Now was that so hard?"

Story by:

Jenni Wiltz

7 June 2013